Why shouldn’t your child be happy all the time? How does sadness help him? | Glass

“If you want your son to grow up and become a physically and psychologically healthy person, don’t make sure he’s happy all the time.” This may seem like a harsh or somewhat harsh statement, but scientific studies indicate that parents’ concern for their children’s happiness can lead to psychological stress and depression as they grow up.

Feelings of sadness and fear are necessary

As your children grow up, they need to experience a wide range of experiences in addition to the problems of war, famine, and famine in the world in order to cope with the problems and challenges they face on a personal level. Feelings that don’t stop with happiness, they have to experience sadness, fear and disappointment.

The HBS Academic website published a 2014 study of 37,000 participants that concluded that people who experience a variety of emotions enjoy better mental and physical health, have less depression, and are better able to cope with a range of emotions. Circumstances, and circumstances.

It is important to help children recognize and appreciate happiness when they are happy, and at the same time cope with difficult situations.

Untaught experience

Psychologist Dr. Vanessa Lapointe Fontaine tells the Montessori education website that while unhappy situations contribute to children’s social and emotional development, social and emotional development cannot be taught, rather one must experience it.

The challenge for parents is to help children through the experiences they need to reach maximum levels of social and emotional maturity. “For a child to become an emotionally intelligent human being, he must experience the whole human being. Feelings, not just happiness.”

According to Lapointe, parents’ excessive interest in meeting their children’s needs teaches young people that they are the center of the world and that everyone must fulfill their demands, “which is completely unhealthy.”

“Malignant Joy”

According to the American “Washington Post” journalist, many studies show that the usual methods adopted by parents in search of happiness do not benefit children, but instead steadily increase anxiety and mental health problems in adolescents. People and adolescents, before they engage cognitively or realistically with the turmoil of seeing the world.

According to the paper, because the focus is on teaching children to be positive instead of helping them accept the difficult situations they encounter, they lack the necessary skills to manage these feelings when life gets tough.

This does not mean that happiness is bad or that pleasure should not be sought, but that “forced happiness” or making happiness the sole goal of life without deeper meaning and purpose can turn positive feelings into something harmful.

It’s okay to be temporarily upset

According to the “Psychology Today” website, negative experiences or unpleasant feelings are temporary, rather than permanent or long-lasting, such as anger, rejection, sadness, hurt, discomfort, helplessness, or failure. , or the turbulence is constant.One hour, one day or one week max. If this period is exceeded, negative emotions can cause great harm.

Experiencing negative experiences over a period of time can become more like an educational experience, enriching children’s experience of happiness compared to less experienced ones.

On the other hand, while occasional sadness is healthy, prolonged exposure to it can be depressing. If your child shows signs of depression, it is important to talk to him and seek the help of a psychologist for treatment.

What does a child learn from negative emotions?

• Flexibility: Psychiatrist Judy Loinger told the Fontaine Montessori website that a child’s personality gains flexibility when he is allowed to express his feelings and act freely without trying to suppress confusing situations. Children need to learn that negative emotions are a part of life.
• Faith: When children see that they can overcome negative experiences, they gain more confidence in their ability to deal with difficult situations the next time. If we protect children from everything that can disturb them, they will not have the opportunity to develop ways to adapt to all situations.
• Confidence: Another positive effect of dealing with negative emotions in children is a sense of self-confidence. On the other hand, if we get into the habit of intervening to help young people every time they become disaffected, difficult situations cannot be dealt with.